30 July 2010

Horton hears a whaaat?

Why is it that the day before an event, when you need to be all pretty and stuff the Universe decides that something has to happen to throw you off track.

I'm having a crisis of epic proportion.  Tomorrow is the husband's 30th birthday party.  I have to play happy hostess and smile and mingle and chat and get snacks.  I cannot be dealing with this right now.  Tash has been my saving grace.  She was there for me, with an ear, a shoulder to cry on and good advice, a pillar of strength in my hour of need.  A true friend.

Have you ever watched that movie "Horton Hears a Who" with the purple dandelion thingie, a whole little country lives on the thing and only he can hear them.  Well the same thing has happened to me.  Only I don't have a dandelion and I'm NOT trying to save it.  It's a whole island and I'm trying my hardest to obliterate it.

I have a zit.  A huge freakin island right on my cheek with it's own zip code.  When you look at me all you see is a huge flashing sign with an arrow pointing to it saying "You are here".  If you are on vacation at the moment chances are you are flying in to this exotic new location, they even serve drinks, in pineapples, with little umbrellas in them.  You can buy souvenirs from the gift shop, corny T-shirts that say I ♥ the isle of zit, and those pens with tiny little palm trees inside them.  

Tash has advised to put ice on it and anti-bacterial cream.  The ice helped, it has gone down a bit, but my entire cheek is red now, thankfully I'm not that hysterial to miss the fact that the redness will go away once my cheek has thawed.  Next time don't squeeze she says - gmf, like that is possible.  I will now attempt to not touch the area (except to put the ointment on) for the remainder of the period the thing decides to squat on MY land.

Tomorrow I will have to remember to show my good side to the camera.  And if you see me, you will NOT stare!

27 July 2010

I'm doing it again

You see! I didn't even make a blog post yesterday.  That is how it starts.  I tell myself that I am not feeling well and that I am retreating for a short while, and then before I know it 3 months have passed.  No - I am putting my foot down.  I will not hide.

I am not feeling well, physically also, think I may be coming down with something.  But there are awesome things happening also.  There is always something to be grateful for and happy about, if we care to look.  There is always a glimmer of hope and something sparkly. So will focus on the things that make me happy and bring me hope until I feel better.

In the words of Spock - live long and prosper!

25 July 2010

I crossed over today

I won't go into the why's, who's or what happened's.  But I crossed over into that space today, I screamed and shouted, threw things, a complete loss of self control (not directed at the kids so don't go calling social services just yet).  I feel exhausted, depleted and very ashamed.

I don't know why I give my power away like that.  I don't know why I let myself cross over that point where there is no turning back.  You would think that I am more mature than that, that I have learned how to control my emotions. 

It doesn't help I blame someone else because ultimately nobody can make you do anything can they.  It's 100% in my power how I act or re-act.  Everything is over, the dust has settled, nobody is mad at anybody but I linger in a place where I feel a bit depressed and angry with myself.

Dust yourself off and try again ....

23 July 2010

We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~ Anaïs Nin

Have you read that phrase carefully?

We don't see things AS THEY ARE, we see them AS WE ARE.

Two people can look at the exact same thing and see them completely different, even that phrase.  This keeps coming up for me everywhere at the moment, and as I take a step back to look for the lesson I realize that it's ok that people see things as "we" are.

Most of the fights/wars on earth occur because people try to force other people to see things the way they do.  People stand in judgement of each other from what they believe in to the clothes they wear to the choices they make as parents and individuals.  I won't pretend to be holier than thou and tell you that I never judge people, we all do, the person who does not judge can hover right up to heaven and go sit at God's right hand because wow they are perfect (see there I judge again!). 

I think that what we can do is to watch our inner dialogue and when we engage in a conversation with someone or meet someone for the first time, to really listen to what they say, and be secure enough in ourselves to know that if they don't agree with you it doesn't make you wrong, but it doesn't make them wrong either.  We can all learn to agree to disagree and not let that taint our opinion of the person, just because (for instance and from my perspective) someone eats meat doesn't make them an awful human being, in fact, I know loads of amazingly wonderful human beings who eat meat, I even love them (not being holier than thou just using it as an example okay).

Everyone has a story and their life experiences shaped them in a completely different and unique way, it's not for us to tell any other being that their experience or the way they view things are wrong.  I suppose that being an empath * it's easier for me to "put myself in someone else's shoes" but I feel that that is exactly the way we should look at things.  Put yourself in the other person's shoes, try at least to look at it from their perspective before you discount it.  Don't waste your energy to try and convince someone that your way/opinion is the right way/opinion, just let it go, it's ok, in the end it doesn't really matter. 

The world is an infinately richer and more interesting place because we see things as we are.

22 July 2010

Disappointed ...

Healing Hands International had a give away a while back that I entered.  One person could win their Holistic Massage Course, which I've been wanting to do for absolute ages, but somehow we can't ever get the funds together.  There is always something.

They just let me know that I didn't get it.  I am deeply disappointed.  But on the other hand I know that the person who did get the course probably needed it more than I did, and that the right thing will come my way at the right time.

I'm still disappointed.  Excuse me while I go wallow for the rest of the day ...

Alert

I'm having a day.  One of those.  My irritation levels are through the roof.  No good reason so I can only assume that it's coming to that freaking time of the month again *sigh* 

You ever have days like these?  Everything just irritates you.  From your husband to the kids you even annoy yourself.  It started last night actually when I asked the husband to rather just keep quiet because he talks really loudly and the sound of his voice is annoying *blush*  I went to bed early with my book and fell asleep after reading a chapter.

Then Christian had an accident in bed, so we had to change all the linen and pj's.  Then he woke up in the early hours of the morning crying because he didn't want his pillow with the Cars cover he wanted his sister's pillow with the pink flowers that was in the wash with the pee linen.  When I finally got through to him that the pillow case is in the wash, he cried about his Cars pajamas that was also in the wash.  When he finally got that through his head he cried because he didn't want to sleep in his bed anymore and he wanted to have a pee, finally he came with me to bed and proceeded to make himself comfortable in my spot.  Then I woke up this morning just before the alarm with him kicking all the blankets off us.

So ja no wonder I feel slightly grumpy. 

It's getting really challenging to wake Lila up these days, not that I blame her I also struggle to get up.  But she stands infront of the heater for 10 minutes then warms all her clothes before she puts it on, then daydreams for another 10 minutes.  So it's a constant battle in the morning to get her going and with Christian that wants toast then juice then he is looking for this toy or that toy and manic playing inbetween so it makes for interesting times. 

And like clockwork when everybody is in the car and everything is locked up then one of the kids or often both decide that they absolutely have to have to take with to play with after school.  And the the waterworks (Lila) and the temper tantrum (Christian) starts.  AARRGGH!

It just bugs me more today because I am irritated though. 

If you need to find me - I'll be in my corner keeping quiet...

21 July 2010

To breed or not to breed

I always said that if I could afford it I would pop out babies left, right and centre.  I have been blessed with easy pregnancies with almost no issues.  Both of us want another baby sometime not now but sometime in the future.  Our house is too small, we don't have the finances right now blah blah blah

Lately however, I've been in two minds.  I want another baby, but the longer we wait the more I think hmm nah.  I don't know if I want to go through the whole baby thing, the breastfeeding/bottle feeding, nappies, pajama drill, unexplained crying and and and.  I'm enjoying having my body back, the kids are at a great age now.  Things work the way they are, don't scratch where it aint itching and all that.

On the other hand I think I want one and if I do then I want one like now.  Which isn't possible.  So ja.  The need/want to have a baby is an inexplicable thing hey.

If it's' meant to happen it will happen when it's meant to happen.

My new venture!

Oh my gosh I've had an exciting week so far!  Besides getting my most awesome new tattoo, I also went for my birthday gift spa manicure at R 'n R which was fab AND I was awarded the distributorship for Therific Natural's products in Johannesburg!  Whoop!

We offer a range of bath goodies with a difference.  These aren't your everyday run of the mill bath salts - they are made with Magnesium Sulphate Crystals that are fragranced and foam when added to hot water.  Magnesium sulfate offers one of the most effective means of making the magnesium your body needs readily available.  Excess adrenaline and stress are believed to drain magnesium, a natural stress reliever, from the body. Magnesium is necessary for the body to bind adequate amounts of serotonin, a mood-elevating chemical within the brain that creates a feeling of well being and relaxation.  

So yes peeps a good week indeed!  If you want more info email me.  We are also looking for Agents in the Joburg area so if you are interested let me know.
 





19 July 2010

Believe

I got my second tattoo done this weekend - this one was for me.  My other tattoo is on my back which kinda sucks because I don't ever see it.  I can highly recommend Cathy who will soon be going on her own so if you want her details let me know and I will pass it along.



I have the word "Believe" on my wrist as a reminder to always do just that - believe.  The symbol underneath that is a Triskele (in grey) with an Aum (in blue) on top of it.  The Triskele is a Celtic symbol and has resonated with me because of what it represents and is quite involved - I found this to explain it a little more on What's your sign

Triskelion Meaning as a Celtic Symbol

In a nutshell, the triskelion Celtic symbol meaning deals with competition and man's progress. The Greek term triskelion literally means "three-legged," and appropriately, this sign looks very much like three legs running.
The triskelion (also referred to as triskele, triquetra or fylfot) Celtic symbol meaning holds two major components of symbolism.
First Component:
When we observe this symbol, we are taken with the concept of motion. All three branches (legs, protrusions, angles) are positioned in such a way so as to make the symbol appear as if it is in constant forward motion.
This is no accident as this feeling of motion in this symbol represents:
  • action
  • cycles
  • progress
  • revolution
  • competition
  • moving forward
Second Component:
The three protrusions (legs, angles, branches, etc) are of significant symbolic importance. However, depending upon the era, region, culture, mythological history, etc...symbologists can have a challenging time defining the exact symbolic meaning of the three protrusions. The various representations of the three protrusions found in the triskelion include:

  • Spirit, Mind, Body
  • Father, Son, Holy Ghost
  • Mother, Father, Child
  • Past, Present, Future
  • Power, Intellect, Love
  • Creator, Destroyer, Sustainer
  • Creation, Preservation, Destruction

All of these (and still yet more) can be designated for each of the protrustions found in the triskelion - it is simply up to the observer (or originating culture) to proffer up these meanings.
The combination of these two components (motion and triad attributes) lead us to the conclusion that this Celtic symbol meaning tells a story of forward motion in the endeavor to reach understanding (within the context of one of the many triad dynamics above listed).
This prominent Celtic symbols may also represent the three Celtic worlds:

  • The Otherworld: Where spirits, gods and goddesses live.
  • The Mortal World: Where you and I live along with plants and animals.
  • The Celestial World: Where unseen energies live and move about. Like the forces of sun, moon, wind and water.
An interesting side note - the number three is a powerful energy for seemingly infinite reasons. One such representation of number three deals with the three primary measure-marks within the phases of the moon (new, half, full).
This is a worthy point because most lunar creatures are depicted as only having three legs in Alchemical and early European esoteric art.
When we add lunar implications to the meaning of the triskelion we are dealing with:
  • mystery
  • feminine
  • intuition
  • subtleness
  • subconscious
  • spirituality
  • illumination
  • hidden desire

As you can see, the Celtic symbol meaning of the triskelion is more far reaching than just "three-legged." When we combine the variables listed here with the concept of motion and evolution and illumniation, we find that the Celtic symbol meaning of the triskelion has much broader connatations.
In short, the sum of this Celtic symbol meaning is:
  • personal growth
  • human development
  • spiritual expansion

 So as you can see it has a very deep meaning to it and not just a swirly shape.  The Aum (or Om) symbol also resonates very deeply with me, it's a very sacred  syllable and can be chanted during meditation, prayer and we also say it when we do yoga.  This is a better explanation of it which I found on about.com:

"The goal which all the Vedas declare, which all austerities aim at, and which men desire when they lead the life of continence … is Om. This syllable Om is indeed Brahman. Whosoever knows this syllable obtains all that he desires. This is the best support; this is the highest support. Whosoever knows this support is adored in the world of Brahma."
~ Katha Upanishad I

Om or Aum is of paramount importance in Hinduism. This symbol (as seen in the image on the right) is a sacred syllable representing Brahman, the impersonal Absolute of Hinduism — omnipotent, omnipresent, and the source of all manifest existence. Brahman, in itself, is incomprehensible; so a symbol becomes mandatory to help us realize the Unknowable. Om, therefore, represents both the unmanifest (nirguna) and manifest (saguna) aspects of God. That is why it is called pranava, to mean that it pervades life and runs through our prana or breath.

Om in Daily Life

Although Om symbolizes the most profound concepts of Hindu belief, it is in use daily. The Hindus begin their day or any work or a journey by uttering Om. The sacred symbol is often found at the head of letters, at the beginning of examination papers and so on. Many Hindus, as an expression of spiritual perfection, wear the sign of Om as a pendant. This symbol is enshrined in every Hindu temple premise or in some form or another on family shrines. It is interesting to note that a newly born child is ushered into the world with this holy sign. After birth, the child is ritually cleansed and the sacred syllable Om is written on its tongue with honey. Thus right at the time of birth the syllable Om is initiated into the life of a Hindu and ever remains with him as the symbol of piety. Om is also a popular symbol used in contemporary body art and tattoos.

The Eternal Syllable

According to the Mandukya Upanishad, "Om is the one eternal syllable of which all that exists is but the development. The past, the present, and the future are all included in this one sound, and all that exists beyond the three forms of time is also implied in it".

The Music of Om

Om is not a word but rather an intonation, which, like music, transcends the barriers of age, race, culture and even species. It is made up of three Sanskrit letters, aa, au and ma which, when combined together, make the sound Aum or Om. It is believed to be the basic sound of the world and to contain all other sounds. It is a mantra or prayer in itself. If repeated with the correct intonation, it can resonate throughout the body so that the sound penetrates to the centre of one's being, the atman or soul. There is harmony, peace and bliss in this simple but deeply philosophical sound. By vibrating the sacred syllable Om, the supreme combination of letters, if one thinks of the Ultimate Personality of Godhead and quits his body, he will certainly reach the highest state of "stateless" eternity, states the Bhagavad Gita.

The Vision of Om

Om provides a dualistic viewpoint. On one hand, it projects the mind beyond the immediate to what is abstract and inexpressible. On the other hand, it makes the absolute more tangible and comprehensive. It encompasses all potentialities and possibilities; it is everything that was, is, or can yet be. It is omnipotent and likewise remains undefined.

The Power of Om

During meditation, when we chant Om, we create within ourselves a vibration that attunes sympathy with the cosmic vibration and we start thinking universally. The momentary silence between each chant becomes palpable. Mind moves between the opposites of sound and silence until, at last, it ceases the sound. In the silence, the single thought—Om—is quenched; there is no thought. This is the state of trance, where the mind and the intellect are transcended as the individual self merges with the Infinite Self in the pious moment of realization. It is a moment when the petty worldly affairs are lost in the desire for the universal. Such is the immeasurable power of Om.
The rest of the tattoo is just pretty pictures hehe - there is symbolism also in the cherry blossoms but you can google it if you want :P

16 July 2010

I have a dream

I have so many ideas and I often get just a tiny bit frustrating trying to figure out a way to bring it all to fruition.  I know that things will happen when the time is right and I know that at the moment, I am exactly where I should be.  I also know that trying to force things to happen will just not work.

I've been looking for a space to have meditation classes.  I've had quite a few inquiries from people wanting to come but with no space to do it I have had to refer them.  It's my dream to add to my 'alternative healing' qualifications with Reflexology, Colour healing therapy, Massage, Aromatherapy to name but a few.  And as much as I try to be all zen and understanding about not fulfilling those dreams I sometimes get a bit huffy towards the Universe.  I trust that I will be provided with the means to start when the time is right (certain issues have been resolved) but I guess that I have not fully mastered the art of patience yet.  I also have these great ideas for workshops but again without space/participation it's just an idea. 

I would love to go for regular treatments and scio and all kinds of those things and get some assistance in sorting out the blockages that I know are just sitting there that I do not have the tools at the moment to resolve myself. 

And now I sound like a moaning myrtle.

I am grateful for all the blessings in my life right now.  And I am becoming better and better at not living too much in a future dreamworld where I have already achieved all the things I want to, it really does make me resentful when I snap out of it and I have to live in this reality where I haven't yet quite reached that. 

I get frustrated with myself that I have all this knowledge and I can easily guide others but I struggle sometimes to apply it to myself.  Maybe I'm just too hard on myself...and maybe when I start to practice what I preach .. ja well ..


I have a dream, and I believe that one day I will achieve it.

Fixes, fanciness and other exciting things

I just have to share my excitement.

I've been like a druggie these last few weeks in search of their next fix.  And finally I'll be getting it on Sunday.  My brand spanking new tattoo whoooooo!  Thanks to my fabulous friends Carina and Christel who gave me money for my birthday, I put it all together and voila - latest fix financed!  So they each own a tiny piece of me LOL!  It's going on my arm so that I can gaze at it whenever I want to.  My other tattoo is on my back so I never get to see it.  This one is for me and it's being done in a way that when I look at it I don't have to turn my arm or anything, it's MINE!!

I will for surely post a photo when it's done.

In other news.  I'm being all fancy en alles!  For my birthday I also got a gift voucher for a spa manicure at R 'n R health and skincare - I booked my appointment and will be going there next week for my hand pampering session.  My very first manicure!  I can't wait!

Another cool thing that is happening is that Christian is FINALLY going to school.  Yay!  He was dead set against going to school and so far it suited us that he stayed at mother in law's house with the nanny.  He suddenly out of the blue changed his mind and starting asking to go to school.  So I made haste and found a lovely school very close to his sister's school, we went to have a look today and meet everyone and so far I'm very impressed (note I said "so far").  The school seems lovely and Christian looooves it!  He hugged his new teacher as if he's known her for years and was not impressed to leave there today.  Wish us luck with him for the next 2 weeks until he starts in August because he is GOING to ask every day when he is going to go to school.

Have a great weekend peeps!  I will update soon with my latest edition in the ink collection *mwah*

15 July 2010

The monkey on my back

I have lots of things on my mind (when don't I).  I'm happy for now.  The husband and I are getting along better, the kids are doing well, Christian is starting school.  I have an exciting new venture in the pipeline which I will say more about when all the papers are signed and I have taken delivery.

All is well for a change.  I should enjoy it, savour the moment.  I shouldn't even pay attention to the niggly feeling at the back of my mind that all is going to come crashing down at any moment.  I shouldn't consider my happiness as something fragile that could shatter at any moment. 

I have/am learning how to just take each moment as it comes and not get myself into a frenzy about what could happen or should've happened.  I am learning to not take absolutely everything personally.  But I am terrified of falling into that black hole again.  The last time it took months to claw my way out of it.  I am not pleasant to be around when I'm there...not for me or anyone else. 

I don't want to go back there.

I will not wait for it, because by waiting I am inviting.

I will replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

I will watch my inner dialogue.


I will not feed the monkey on my back.

14 July 2010

Driving Miss Daisy

One day when I am rich, I am going to hire a chauffeur.  I detest driving.  It's such a mission, turn, indicate, clutch, brake blah blah blah.  I follow the rules of the road and it pisses me off to the point of mania when other people don't.  I mean for goodness freaking sake, if everyone just followed the rules, there wouldn't be an issue on the roads now would there.

But noooo because Mr BMW X5 has a sense of self entitlement and an ego as big as Joburg he reckons he is exempt from following the rules because  you know, he is mos sooooo important. I don't get how people are so inconsiderate that they just don't care.  And it's NOT only the taxi's so don't even come with that crap here.  I've seen people from all walks of life that drive way worse than taxi's. 

Gmf.

I've started taking down number plates of people that drive like asses and reporting them to Arrive Alive, they actually have a place on their website that you can report idiot drivers.   Cool huh.  I don't know if anyone actually monitors it but it does make me feel a bit better.

So until I can afford a chauffeur I'm cranking up the sound, singing real loud and trying real hard to smile and wave.

PS:  Don't drive like a doos and make me dislike you ok.

13 July 2010

Happiness is ....

My happiness is like thousands of bubbles made from paper thin glass.  They aren't always easy to catch but when I do, I burst with excitement and hold on to that bubble for dear life.  I show everyone my bubble of happiness, I spread the joy.  I try not to be too careful and just enjoy the bubble because in the back of my mind I know it will pop, like bubbles do...and because it is made of glass it doesn't just pop, it's shatters into a million tiny little pieces and the shards get stuck in my soul.  Then the process of removing the glass fragments start and the chasing of the next bubble.

Believing as I do that we are the creators of our experiences through our thoughts and beliefs, I have to ponder if I am inevitably also not the creator of my own misery.  It can't be any other way can it.  The rules of the game don't change moment by moment.  So in theory as easily as my happiness shatter, I should be able to find another bubble of happiness just as easily.  Shouldn't I.  Or am I so comforted by the cloak of dark sadness that I wear so well that it is easier to just bury my head in it's folds than to shrug the cloak and stand open and vulnerable, but shining and bright.

Within every moment we have a choice don't we.  I can choose how I react, how I feel, what I think, do or say.  A million different directions I can take in any given moment.  Why is it always easier to choose misery than happiness...

In the string of moments passed I choose to wear the dark cloak of sadness and mourn the loss of the bubble of happiness. 

From this moment on I choose to find beads of happiness and string them together until I have many, at the end of the string who knows maybe a balloon of happiness awaits...

12 July 2010

Positively Positive Proudly South African

6 years ago when it was announced that South Africa will host the Fifa Soccer World Cup, I didn't really pay it much attention.  Ag I'm not really a soccer fan I thought and I was a bit indifferent.  As time drew nearer and stadiums started going up and the road works started, I started to get a little more excited. 

And by the time 80 000 people gathered in Sandton in support of Bafana Bafana I was completely swept up in World Cup Fever!  Never have I been prouder to be South African.  Never before have I felt closer to my fellow citizens.  Everybody said we won't be able to pull it off, visitors were warned about being murdered and raped and people were advised to bring bulletproof vests.  People complained about everything from the road works to the money spent. 

But nobody spoke about the "never say die" spirit of our people.  Nobody told visitors that they will be embraced and welcomed with open arms.  Nobody told them that we will assist them, and talk to them in the streets or walking to stadiums to catch busses and show genuine interest in them.  Nobody told them about how beautiful our country and the spirits of her people is.  So when our visitors arrived here, they were pleasantly surprised.  The naysayers got quiet.  The journalists who had nothing bad to report on went away, some of them even went so far as to try and stage something negative to report on or made up stories.

Never again let us as South Africans utter the words "we can't" because WE CAN.  Never again let the 1st world giants of the world make us feel small because WE CAN do anything we put our minds to.  Never again must we allow anyone to look down on us because we triumphed in a big way South Africa.  We showed the world just why we choose to stay, why we refuse to give up or give in and what makes our country so special and awesome.  I hope and pray that we will continue to stand united and build on the spirit that we have found during the world cup and that we don't fall back to our old ways.  In fact I know we will, it can't be any other way!  I used to feel like a lone voice crying to let go, stand together and embrace one another.  Now I no longer feel like I'm in the minority, other voices and hearts have joined, let it continue that way and the naysayers be the ones in the minority and let us leave them with no other choice but to join us!

Hi my name is Nicci and I am proud to be South African.

There is this wonderful initiative called Keep Flying the Flag please download the icon and put it in your email signature, your blog, your Facebook page, Twitter, keep it going!

This is from their website you can download it too:

What if?
What if we remember again how to be divided,
And forgot that while we lost, we absolutely triumphed 

What if we remember again that we can't like our neighbor,
forgetting how Tshabalala made us hug a stranger.

What if, we remember the load shedding, the price hikes, inflation,
forgetting again that we are still one Nation.

What if, we remember again how to doubt,
forgetting again the power we have when we shout.


What if, the flags came down on the 12th of July,
and we packed them away, as though we had something to hide.

BUT

What if, the end wasn't the end, but the Beginning.

What if, we told the Nation to keep flying













What if, we woke on the 12th and it was still there, our passion redirected, a call to persevere.

What if, the colours once printed on our t-shirts and scarves
Were now forever etched into our hearts ♥.


What if, every SA brand used it's voice for good,
raised a flag, and said, you too could.

What if we remember what we already knew.  That the flag says, there's nothing we can not do.

What if we took 30 days, to never forget,
that all we have achieved is nothing yet.

Most importantly, What if this, the simplest of ideas, with you by it's side
Became an idea from which no-one could hide.

Keep Flying the Flag!!

But I want to say, not just for 30 days, for as long as we shall live, stand United Msanzi.  Stand proud!!!

09 July 2010

33 Things I've learnt

In no particular order

  1. Don't live in the past, if you have issues fine, but deal with them and live in the present.  You can never change the past but you can change what you are doing/thinking/feeling now.
  2. No matter how bad you think it is, you will get through it and the sun will shine again.
  3. Children will change your life in ways that you can't possibly grasp until you have them.
  4. Always always listen to you gut feelings/instincts/the little voice at the back of your mind, it's never wrong, ever.
  5. When you are single, enjoy being single because when you get to be in a relationship there will come a time when you will long for being single again and then you will kick your own ass that you didn't make the most of it.
  6. Sometimes love isn't enough to make a relationship work.
  7. Friends come and go but your family (even if they irritate the crap out of you) will always be there for you.
  8. You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends, so choose wisely.
  9. You can't guard your heart so much against being hurt that you forget how to give and receive love, without love, life is pretty empty (and I'm not talking about romantic love only!)
  10. You don't have to like someone to love them.
  11. Use the fancy plates and cutlery and all the other things you pack away because you feel to sorry to use them.  Tomorrow you get run over by a bus and then other people fight over them.
  12. When you do something, put your all into it, every time, or don't do it at all.
  13. NO is a very powerful 2 letter word, use it.
  14. Sometimes it's ok to leave the dirty dishes in the sink and the house looking like a bomb has hit it.
  15. Always wear good underwear and socks with no holes in them.  You never know where you will end up.
  16. Take care of your body, it's the only one you have.
  17. If you can't change your circumstances, change your attitude.
  18. Smile even if you don't feel like it, it WILL make you feel better.
  19. Never under estimate the power of your thoughts, we truly are what we think.
  20. There are more important things in life than work, if you work like a slave for a company you will be treated like a slave, nobody is going to pat you on the back for working late or coming in early, they are going to start expecting it.
  21. Happiness = reality - expectation, it's the only math that makes sense to me.  Like assumption, expectation is the Mother of all Fuckups.
  22. Meditate, as often as you can, it's not weird, it's necessary.  If prayer is you talking to God, meditation is listening.
  23. Marriage is not like in the movies, it's hard, sometimes you will want to leave, don't do that until you have tried everything to make it work (unless of course there is abuse, then go don't even hesitate go, you deserve better).
  24. Don't get married in a rush, it doesn't matter how in love you think you are, and wait until you have babies for at least a year.
  25. It's OK to retreat sometimes and disappear into the background, those that love you will understand.  
  26. Never be unnecessarily mean to strangers, you never know where you will run into them again, like the interview for that job you really really want ...
  27. Always act with integrity
  28. Always be honest
  29. Recycle and eat less red meat, we only have one planet, respect it.
  30. When you are wrong apologize and move on, don't mope
  31. Do not do the duckface in photos, it's stupid
  32. Tomorrow will take care of itself, you worry about what you are doing now.
  33. 33 Candles all alight WILL melt the icing on the cake.

08 July 2010

It's my Happy Birthday!

And I'm feeling very special and loved today.


I wish to never loose my sense of wonder

PS:  not me in the photo LOL!

07 July 2010

Ag who am I kidding?!

Every year in the days preceding my birthday I tell myself.  Ag it's just another day - no biggie.  But secretly I'm as delighted and excited as any 4 year old.  I want chocolate cake with caramel, balloons, sparkly things, the people that I love around me, some champagne would be nice and lots of presents.

Coz lets face it, the BEST thing about birthdays are the presents and the loads of attention being your special day.  The day you first said WHAA in the world, and your Mom adoringly looked at you and thought that you were the most special, most beautiful, cleverest and awesomest baby in the whole wide world.

Some people turn out exactly as their Mom's pictured them on that day.  And some people (points to self) made some detours along the way and gave their parents plenty of grey hairs and sleepless nights.  I think my parents should also celebrate and be awarded for not eating their young haha!

I don't have issues with getting older, it is inevitable isn't it.  I feel that the best thing I can do for me is to learn as much as I possibly can every minute that I'm alive.  Also I don't want to come back and do the same crap again in another life!  Through all the ups and downs of life and all the obstacles we face, the only thing we can do is learn from them.  And hopefully I will one day be a serene and wise old lady.

There are still many things I would like to do, some of them I would've liked to achieve by age 33 but nou ja, no use in lamenting the could have's and should have's.  I'm excited to see where life will take me this year!  Thanks for sharing my journey with me.  And buy me presents!

PS:  My birthday is tomorrow ♥

06 July 2010

Not much to say

I haven't blogged since Friday well because I didn't have much interesting to say.  The most interesting thing in my life at the moment is trying to get Christian to not pee in his bed.

What is up with that by the way?  Is it a boy thing?  I did not have THIS much issues and effort with Lila and bed wetting.  I take Christian to the toilet at least 3 times a night and then he still wets the bed.  I can't keep up with all the linen and pajama washing.  I don't know what else to do besides waking up every couple of hours and take him to the loo.  I swear he drinks the bathwater on the sly!  How can someone that little produce that much bodily fluids?!  The mind boggles!

The kids came back on Friday from their 10 day trip to the coast with their Granny.  They had the best time!  And was full of stories about shell collecting, swimming in the sea, playing on the beach and riding on the train.  They had a real adventure.  So we spent most of the weekend at home spending time together.  It was lovely!

Oh!  I did do something interesting!  I started my first yoga class on Saturday.  It was absolutely awesome!  My yoga instructor is named Aumji (how cool is that?!) and we had our class in the botanical garden right between the water features.  Since I last did yoga properly about 8 years ago I did warn Aumji that I am very stiff and since I was born with a broomstick up my ass it does take extremely long for me to become flexible enough to even touch my toes.  I don't think he took me seriously until he actually witnessed the stiffness that is me.  I really am one of those people who are not naturally flexible and I really was born like that haha.  I was never one of those kids who could bend into funny positions or put their hands flat on the floor when bending down.  It took me almost a year way back when I still did yoga at least once a week to be able to touch my toes.  So lets see how this time around goes.

Oh and just incase you all forgot - it's my birthday on Thursday.  The 8th of July.  I like sparkly things.

02 July 2010

A weighty issue...

For as long as I've lived I have never had any body issues.  Ever.  I've never been on a diet, I've never been over weight (I've been UNDER weight), I've been fit and healthy.  No issues. What. So. Ever.  Well!  Yesterday I accidentally weighed myself (on someone else's scale I don't own one), and uhm let me see - oh yes that's right, the last time I weighed SIXTY THREE and a HALF KILOGRAMS was when I was 6 months PREGNANT.  I am not pregnant now, I'm just FAT.

OK I'm not really fat, in fact I like the little bit of extra weigh, I was skeletal at one point and I really struggled to put a bit of weight on my bones.  And people who are bigger than me would probably scoff at me right now and think to themselves that I have no idea what it's like to be fat and have body issues and that's fine.  But for me it's bad, I wobble everywhere, my stomach spills over my pants (can you say muffin top) and my thighs look like dimply tree stumps, I'm not even going to talk about my ass.  I am slightly mad that I have let myself get this way.  The fact that I am pms'ing may also make me a bit more hysterical than usual but that is besides the point...

I used to go to Taebo classes at least 3 times a week, yoga once a week.  I hiked and cycled.  I was fit and toned.  For the past 7 years I have done NOTHING, zero, zip, nada, boggerol.  No wonder I feel and look the way I do.  And I swear if the Husband tells me ONE MORE TIME how "hot" I am and how good my body looks I WILL stick a fork in his eye.  I can't put my shoes on when my jeans are fastened because they are too tight, seriously, don't tell me it's fine because it's not.

I really can't afford gym or classes on my salary and besides classes are really expensive and then you only get to go once a week or something stupid (feel free to let me know your affordable places to go to in the comments), and the Husband is not going to pay for me to go to gym or classes.  So I am going to have to change my mind set about excercising, see I LIKE going to gym/classes it motivates me to push myself harder.  But since I can't afford it, I'm going to have to start exercising at home, I'm thinking a good work out dvd and one of those giant ball things.  And see if I can't maybe find an affordable yoga class that I can go to once a week.

I got myself looking like this and only I can change it.

Let the games begin!!

01 July 2010

Love Sonnet XVII - Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.