02 May 2011

My heart has wings

I've been whining a lot over the past couple of days and have been a bit of a grumpasaur.  A bit more impatient than usual and a real snap-dragon.  Not nice.

Even though I don't feel much better - my throat still feels like there is a bunch of razor blades stuck in it, I was convinced this morning when I woke up that my voice would be gone.  But alas the sexy frog sounding voice is still going strong - joy!  Anyone up for some phone sex?  LOLOL!!  Not!

I've been doing a lot of thinking and mulling the past couple of days, had a bit of a sob, felt a bit sorry for myself (ok a LOT) but I'm over it now.  I am learning some lessons about building walls, letting go, acceptance, and being present in the now.  Oh and trusting.  It's a big thing for me to realize that not everyone is going to hurt me, and if they are I have no control over it whether I build walls or not.  And that it's ok.  I can't mistrust everyone and expect that everyone is going to hurt me.  That is no way to live, it's like running away from life and looking over your shoulder the whole time.  And these days I'm all about living life, moving forward and not running and hiding.  

Yesterday I said goodbye to another thing from my old life.  I decided to re-home the ex's dogs.  He won't be living somewhere that he can have pets and I really just need to simplify my life.  I am not a dog person and they really deserve more space, love and attention than we were able to give them.  So I found a really good home for them, the update is that they are settled and happy and showered with love.  So I am happy that they are happy.  And I'm happy to have my home back.  I am excited to look and move forward a bit more every day and creating the space in my home and garden that I dreamed of when I first moved in here.

I am also contemplating some new ink.  Getting tattoos are pretty addictive and I always said that I want lots more.  But with this one I've been uhm'ing and ah'ing a bit.  I know where I want it but I have NO idea what I want or if I even do want another one.  What's up with that?!  The start of an idea is starting to form in my head though so we will see where it takes me.

My heart has wings

2 comments:

  1. I read a saying this weekend that rung home for me and might do you for you too Nicci "you'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be"...good for you on rehoming the dogs and I'm sure you'll settle on something awesome for your next tattoo. I've decided on my next one which I'm getting next month :)

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  2. I LOVE that Fee! Thanks. Maybe it can read "you'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather NOT be" too :D

    Oooo location of your next tattoo?

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